Marriage, Adultery, and Jesus Christ—Proverbs 5

What are the best things in life? Here are a few on my list. Leaves falling in a crisp autumn wind. A cup of hot black coffee. The crash of a thunderstorm and the pounding of rain. The first flakes of snow at the beginning of winter. The stars twinkling on a clear dark night. Fresh strawberries and whipped cream.

None of these compares with marriage. It’s the best. I think I can make the case for this from the Bible. On the first five days of creation, God made the other things: trees, stars, strawberries, coffee. And he said they were good. But on the sixth day, he made one man and one woman, and he said it was very good. He said it was not good for the man to be alone, so he made the woman from the man’s side. They were naked and not ashamed. Adam’s words when he saw Eve, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” show that in her he found what he could not find anywhere else in creation.

Marriage is the best. The husband-wife relationship is the prime analogy for the love that Christ has for the church as a whole. The joy of marriage shows us the delight that Christ has in us, his bride. The promise-keeping nature of marriage shows us that Christ is a promise-keeping Lord. Marriage is heavenly in the sense that it gives us a picture of our future with Christ in heaven. But in a way, the great thing about marriage is that it isn’t heavenly -- it’s here and now. It’s just about the best thing on earth.

Have you ever had a rotten strawberry? Pretty bad, isn’t it? Just as a strawberry can be very good or very bad, marriage can be very good or very bad. And, sadly, there’s more than one way to make a marriage go bad. But Proverbs 5 talks about just one way: adultery. If marriage is meant to tell us about Christ, then adultery tells the lie that Christ is unfaithful.

Here’s the point: Adultery lies, but marital love tells the truth, that Jesus Christ is faithful to the church, his bride.

Proverbs 5 begins with a warning against adultery. And it doesn’t put up a “straw-woman,” if that’s a term. God is honest about how powerful seduction can be. “For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil.”

But that’s all facade. “In the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.” Adultery leads straight to death. Not necessarily physical death -- it can lead there too, but that isn’t really the point. The point is that adultery takes you off God’s path to walk in the ways of the wicked, who are dead men even while they live, because they are cut off from the Lord of life.

And yes, it can have some disastrous practical effects, as well. If this woman isn’t faithful to her husband, or doesn’t want you to be faithful to your wife, then it isn’t faithfulness she wants. It’s something else, and whatever it is, you will have to keep paying it to keep her. And she may bleed you dry, till you “give your honor to others, and your years to the merciless.” It may be that some woman is after your money. It may be that hours of pornography will sap your time, your strength, your productivity, your integrity. It may be that years of lies to the people around you will ruin your credibility and your reputation. And all these unpleasant consequences, if they come, will just be a foretaste of God’s judgment, an appetizer of condemnation.

In the end, you may have the sense to admit, “I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.” Even then, you may not be able to get out of the mess you have got yourself in.

Why not enjoy your wife instead? That’s the defense against adultery that the Lord proposes in Proverbs 5. “Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well.” Don’t go looking elsewhere: enjoy what’s yours.

And don’t break the privacy of your relationship with your wife by trying to have the same relationship with anyone else. “Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets?” You will lose what you have with your wife if you go looking for it somewhere else. If your delight in your wife is like quenching your thirst with pure water from a well, committing adultery muddies the privacy of that communion by spreading it around. Even lusting after another woman with your eyes will take its toll on the intimacy of marriage.

Instead, take delight in one another. Proverbs 5:18-19 is pretty explicit. If you find it helpful, go read the Song of Songs for eight more chapters on the same theme. Marital love is good. God made it, and God blessed it.

If you’re standing at the fork of this decision between your wife and adultery of whatever sort, just remember there is always a third person in the room. “For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths.” Remember the children’s catechism. “Where is God?” “God is everywhere.” “Can you see God?” “No, I cannot see God, but he always sees me.” He sees you in bed. He sees you at your computer. He sees you scrolling on your phone. In all those scenarios, you can honor your Lord or dishonor him.

Don’t die for lack of discipline. Don’t be led astray. Take the way of wisdom.

This chapter is talking about a married man whose enjoyment of his wife can defend him against adultery. A married woman can find a similar security in her husband. But marriage is not an invincible fortress against Satan’s attacks. Not all marriages are equal, and even the best marriage isn’t always at its best. And what if you're single? What is your recourse against the temptations of the world?

At the end of the day, we’re called to find our ultimate satisfaction in Christ, and only Christ can be our final defense against temptations to sexual immorality. He is our first love, our deepest devotion, and at bedrock the only proof against seeking satisfaction in sin is to find satisfaction in him. This is true for the married Christian as well as the single Christian. And we can never be fully devoted to him until we realize how fully devoted he has been to us.

How did he love us? I think I can show you from Scripture that he loved us more than riches, more than food, more than water, more than wine, more than shelter, more than clothing, more than sleep, more than comfort, more than companionship, more than power, more than glory, more than life. I can say this, because Scripture is careful to show that he gave up all these things for our sake. About the only thing he loved more than us was his Father. And his love for his Father did not displace his love for us. On the contrary, he and his Father were united in this strange plan that the Son of God should give his all for a sinful people, to make us his bride.

As the Song of Songs says, “Love is stronger than death.” If that’s true of the ideal marital love, then it’s true of Jesus’ love for us.

And as Paul says in Ephesians, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Marriage is the picture: Christ is the reality -- Christ faithful to the end.

Pastor Nate Jeffries